Thursday, January 24, 2008
"Demons in my mind"
Shit I just realised what an absolute asshole I am. I was about to flame my friend on my blog!!! All because of what? My paranoia and insecurity. My anger and the bitter taste of injustice in my mouth. My lack of understanding how different people are. I cannot expect others to conform to my definition of "friend". Because she didn't do what I was expecting her to do I nearly condemned her. Good thing I recollected all the happy memories and realised that she expressed her idea of friendship through different means. How daft I was...still i don't know why I get the kind of class-B/class-C friend vibes from her. I really don't think she thinks of me in that way, but I can't shake off this nagging feeling. I wish she'd approach me for reasons other than just to pass me stuff, take the initiative look for me on msn to chitty chatty...I'm always the one looking for you :(The amusing thing though, was that because I completely and utterly convinced myself how much I disliked her at that point of time because I THOUGHT she never reciprocated my sincerity (actually she did!!!) ( I was about to send her a card I put lots of effort into, then I began wondering whether she was really worth it), that anger was converted into physical strength. During my physical training, my performance was boosted by quite a substantial amount, I even sprinted to Bishan Park because I was still so full of raging energy after my workout. It was daft upon hindsight, but that feeling of empowerment..noteworthy..
I hearby proclaim Ding to be the greatest naive asshole on the planet for today :( Stupidity
I don't know why I've been having such evil thoughts lately...I was super pissed with my family a few days ago, even though the problem was actually fairly insignificant..
